So before you have a baby, everyone jokes around and says "get your sleep now, you'll need it! ha ha ha ha ha" and you're like "uh huh, as if I sleep well right now. Can't you get a new line?" I didn't expect to sleep a lot, but holy cow. It's not Matt's fault but I get really jealous of him at night. Well Adrian is sleeping right now so I'm blogging. It would make more sense to sleep too, but I did take a nap earlier today so I would like a few minutes of me time.
I tried writing this last night but it was really dry so I decided to give it another go. Notice the date I wrote that 39 week post about being done. I wrote that 5 hours before I went into labor. Figures huh? If only I had known I would never sleep again.
I woke up at 4:10 AM with a horrible contraction. I timed it using a calculator on the bump for a little while but they were irregular so I assumed they were false. It hurt too much to go back to sleep so I tried a warm bath, which did nothing for me. I ended up dealing with it for a couple hours and watching Daria, and trying to time them in case they got regular. It was hard though, I couldn't tell exactly when they stopped because they gradually went away. I finally called Matt at 8 (I was downstairs, he was sleeping in our bedroom) and told him to get downstairs. Some guys came to put our new door in so Matt woke up just in time to deal with them. Matt helped me time the contractions and I told my mom what was going on. Finally they got to 2-3 minutes apart but not consistent and 90 seconds long. My mom was convinced I was going to give birth on the toilet or something and told us to call the doctor and get to the hospital ASAP. Even though Matt kept saying the same thing, I finally listened to my mom and Matt called the doctor.
We got to the hospital at 12 and Nebraska Furniture Mart called to say they would be at our house in 10 minutes with the changing table. Good timing. Obviously we had to reschedule. I was convinced they were going to tell me to go home, false alarm, but nope. I don't remember much except I was in lots of pain every 2 to 3 minutes and only 4 cm dilated. Matt held my hand and my mom got there pretty fast. Michelle came for support and brought a slushie, which granted her immediate entry. Actually, being my sister granted her immediate entry. Finally I was able to get an epidural (props to those who can handle it, but I could not) and I went to sleep for a little while. They kept checking me and turning me from side to side. My shoulders and neck hurt like hell and nothing would make it stop. They were very tense. The day is mostly a blur. Eventually the epidural stopped working on my left side and I felt sharp pains in my back AND my front side. It was awful. After a long wait I got another epidural only to have it stop working around 2 in the morning. So I got one more. Anyways something made me sick and every time they laid me on my back I threw up, which was lovely. The epidural slowed labor down so I got pitocin too. The pitocin made me really shaky. Come to think of it, pair all that with my breathing and moaning and it was kind of like the exorcist only my head didn't spin around. And it was a positive thing happening.
So finally around 4 AM we all got to nap and at 6AM they said "time to push!" So I had to get Matt up and he got mom and Michelle up and it was go time right away. It took 40 minutes and I had no idea what was going on around me because I was in pain the whole time. I kept thinking "this has to be my last push, how long can this take?" and I just wanted it to be over. As much as everyone jokes about it, I never yelled at Matt or threw things at him. I think I was pretty calm the whole time. I just wanted him near me the whole time. I also wanted my mommy. So finally he came out, and Matt cried and I heard Michelle and mom crying too I think. Matt said his first thought was "holy cow thats a big baby. holy shit that's MY baby!" My first thought was that he looked just like Matt, and "thank god it's over". Everyone says you're supposed to feel a big rush of feelings of love but I didn't. Maybe the epidural prevented it? I'm not sure but I know Matt got that feeling right away and I was jealous. I never cry when I think I'm going to. I was happy though, and I do love him so much. I've always loved him. I think there was just so much going on and I was exhausted.
They put him on my chest right away and said he got an apgar score of 9! I felt bad that it took awhile before Matt could hold him. I think I got some baby blues because I started feeling very incompetent. I thought everything would come more naturally to me but I wasn't able to soothe him when he cried and breastfeeding took a lot more practice than I expected. Matt has been absolutely wonderful. You can see how much he loves his son, and he took very good care of me while I was in labor. Although my mom said he looked like he was going to pass out when I got the epidural, and one time while Adrian was coming out. The nurse put a chair behind him. He was also traumatized when my water broke; it was pretty epic. I had told him it didn't gush out like in the movies (sorry, TMI) but now he keeps saying "you lied!" lol. Matt is almost a natural, he talks so sweetly to the baby and has learned to swaddle and soothe him really well. Every time they took him out of the room Matt was on their heels. Matt's dad tried to convince Matt to go home and sleep one night for some reason, but thank goodness Matt refused to leave us. Matt changes diapers and helps me get ready to feed Adrian. I just feel so blessed to have a wonderful husband for me and a great daddy for my baby. Now I'm going to cry, that counts right?
All I ever wanted my whole life was to be a mother and a wife. I hope Adrian will look back on his childhood as fondly as I look back on mine, that we can give him what he needs to become a good man, and that he chooses to love and follow God with all his heart. I look at this tiny little baby in my arms and I hate that he was born into a broken world; it breaks my heart that I can't protect him from everything. Love makes everything worth it though, and I can tell you this boy is surrounded by SO much love.
In conclusion, thank you mom and Michelle for all of your support during labor. You guys are awesome! We were very pleased with all of our nurses, they were so sweet, caring, helpful and they made me feel welcome; not like I was a burden or something. Oh and I didn't find out until later that the cord was wrapped around his neck three times. It's a very rare thing but thank goodness everything came out okay. And thank goodness they kept me in the dark while it was happening. I can't believe he has slept the whole time I've been writing this. I don't have more pictures yet, patience grasshoppers!
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